Stop Wishing Your Life Was Your Favourite Tv Show (A Reminder for Myself)
How I Met Your Mother, Friends, Sex and the City, The US Office, Scrubs. I'm a serial rewatcher of my favourite shows. I don't mean like occasionally watching an episode and vaguely remembering it from a few months earlier, I mean the first time I finished Gossip Girl I immediately went back to the first episode to start again. I do this mainly because I love to see it again from the perspective of knowing what's going to happen, especially with shows that have lots of plot threads running through them for a long time like How I Met Your Mother. But the other reason is that I find it hard to deal with endings or goodbyes or even the idea of endings really. I don't really watch TV to be excited by it, I'm quite a busy person so I usually watch shows to wind down, fall asleep to and (a lot of the time) to comfort myself after a shitty day. All of my favourite shows to watch have predictable plots, non offensive jokes, distance from difficult topics, and neat and tidy endings. I'm going to spend the rest of this post complaining about how the exact things that comfort me about these shows are also the things that have set me up for a lot of disappointment in my life. This is all in jest, I'll watch these shows til the day I die, and there isn't an excessive laugh track or an unrealistic romantic subplot that could stop me.
From the age of of 13 I've watched my favourite characters pick and choose from an endless sushi train of eligible potential partners that seem to circle them constantly, only to get to the ripe old age of 21 and realise that this is not an accurate depiction of life. Unless you actively seek them out there are relatively little dates to go on, and your friends are no help either. The amount of times there's been an episode of a sitcom based around one of the characters setting up the other on a date with a friend..PLEASE. If I had anyone I thought was fab enough to set my friend up with I would probably be trying to nab them for myself. A good looking lawyer/architect/doctor who is completely available and on good enough terms with your friend that he agreed to be set up on this date, and yet she doesn't want to be with him? Very suspicious indeed, he must have an extra nose, or maybe a side business selling beanie babies.
Obviously a lot of these kinds of shows are only half an hour long, and though that makes them perfect digestible before-bed cheer-up viewing, it also creates some problems. Obviously they have to fit a substantial amount of events into a very precise 22 minute slot, and this had me thinking that every twenty minute slot of my life would be this action packed and joke stuffed. I think this is why a lot of my favourite episodes of Friends are now the ones that feature events where nothing really happens, like that scene where they're eating wax while they wait for Ross and Rachel to finish arguing, cause I have had moments like that in my life. Following on from this, it's important to remember that not every moment in your life will have the weighty significance that sitcoms often place on them (I'm looking at you How I Met Your Mother). If you find a yellow umbrella somewhere it is probably just a forgotten umbrella. If someone says they don't want to be with you, don't be a Ted and look for ridiculous tiny signs that they might just so you can have that big love scene in the rain you always wanted. There is no need to convince yourself that the guy opposite you on the tube is your soulmate because he has the same shoelaces as you. It's not 'meant to be', you have shit to do, get on with your day.
Sitcoms also severely overestimate the free time 20-somethings have. I am a student. I have eight contact hours a week. I work part time as a waitress. And I still struggle to fit social events in. How the hell is Miranda making it to nightly cocktail parties to listen to Carrie moan about her fruitful dating life when she's supposedly a top tier lawyer working 70 hours a week?! Marshall is also supposed to be a lawyer and finds plenty of time to listen to Ted's whining, and don't even get me started on those sofa lounging Friends or Rachel's extremely lax manager who is fine with her taking a seat and sipping on a coffee herself whenever she fancies it. Another life inconvenience that writers like to use for comedic value and lose whenever they need to is kids. I don't have kids and I still know that the portrayal of children in these shows is absolute bullshit. Ben DISAPPEARS halfway through Friends because he's not plot essential any more now that Emma's been born. There is one measly episode of HIMYM that is focused on how tired Marshall and Lily are after having Marvin, then it's straight back to the booth to console and cheer on mopey Ted without even a baby sick stain in sight.
I like that these shows make jokes out of awkward situations and weird relationship dynamics, but there comes a point when I just feel so bad for the characters. Ted and Robin spend nearly a decade being in a state of moderate satisfaction, just because they can't break the friendship for a few months to let them both get over each other and actually be happy. All the jokes about hanging around with your exes are funny from my sofa but lately I just can't watch without wanting to shake the both of them and pull them out of their isolated bubble of moderate unhappiness! I also can't think of a single time in one of these shows that a main character has liked someone and they've not been liked back. It happens, they get rejected, and then a few episodes or seasons later it turns out they DO like them back they just didn't know it/admit it/realise it. Sometimes people don't like you, get over it, don't wait around for 10 years, marry someone else and then run back to them the moment your wife dies. There are so many different niches and possibilities and great people that would never fit into your life if it was made into 22 minute show concerning 5/6 main characters. And don't even get me started on the weighting of friend subplots to romance subplots. The show is CALLED Friends and yet the focus is so much more weighted to the romantic relationships. I am of the view that real friends and romantic partners and whatever other relationships you have should be ones that positively affect your life. They should be the people rooting for your success, supporting your choices, celebrating your achievements. Ross and Rachel are not goals, Ross could have offered to move to Paris for Rachel's job, or Rachel could have realised that there would be another guy in Paris who might be more supportive of her dreams and happiness. There are so many more things to do in life than stay in a shitty situation because it's too hard to leave.
If you tried to make a sitcom about my actual life let me tell you what would happen. The jokes would not be well formed and witty, they would be weird and stupid and no one other than me and my friends would understand or laugh at them. The part where one of the characters is supposed to have an outburst and profess their feelings would be replaced by an awkward exchange and a hurried exit. The audience would be left frustrated at the inability of characters to have those defining moments of professing truth, and at the high proportion of events that don't end up having a plot purpose or a point. There would be less big speeches, and if there were any they would be said by the wrong person, at the wrong time or they would consist of things that characters didn't want to hear. People aren't going to be who you want them to be, narratives won't be tied up neatly, and people's flaws won't be easily labelled and fixed in 22 minutes. The world and its inhabitants are more nuanced, complex and messy than could ever be conveyed in this cliched, tired, terrible, wonderful format. It's a comforting format, but if life was this comforting you would get too hot and bothered and you'd throw the blanket off and pour the sickly hot chocolate down the drain and burst out into the street with bare feet and run until you found sharpness and rawness and beauty in pain. If you really want it, you can find the neat and tidy ending where you coast along in relative comfort with well timed laughs and heartbreak that only ever lasts an episode. You can choose to never make the difficult decision to let go and you can settle for the on-off love interest who never really wanted you to do things for you. Or you can shake off the tired old tropes of sitcom-hood, accept that a great life probably shouldn't be sitcom-able, and get ready for the difficulty of the unscriptable ups and darkest downs that life has to offer.
From the age of of 13 I've watched my favourite characters pick and choose from an endless sushi train of eligible potential partners that seem to circle them constantly, only to get to the ripe old age of 21 and realise that this is not an accurate depiction of life. Unless you actively seek them out there are relatively little dates to go on, and your friends are no help either. The amount of times there's been an episode of a sitcom based around one of the characters setting up the other on a date with a friend..PLEASE. If I had anyone I thought was fab enough to set my friend up with I would probably be trying to nab them for myself. A good looking lawyer/architect/doctor who is completely available and on good enough terms with your friend that he agreed to be set up on this date, and yet she doesn't want to be with him? Very suspicious indeed, he must have an extra nose, or maybe a side business selling beanie babies.
Obviously a lot of these kinds of shows are only half an hour long, and though that makes them perfect digestible before-bed cheer-up viewing, it also creates some problems. Obviously they have to fit a substantial amount of events into a very precise 22 minute slot, and this had me thinking that every twenty minute slot of my life would be this action packed and joke stuffed. I think this is why a lot of my favourite episodes of Friends are now the ones that feature events where nothing really happens, like that scene where they're eating wax while they wait for Ross and Rachel to finish arguing, cause I have had moments like that in my life. Following on from this, it's important to remember that not every moment in your life will have the weighty significance that sitcoms often place on them (I'm looking at you How I Met Your Mother). If you find a yellow umbrella somewhere it is probably just a forgotten umbrella. If someone says they don't want to be with you, don't be a Ted and look for ridiculous tiny signs that they might just so you can have that big love scene in the rain you always wanted. There is no need to convince yourself that the guy opposite you on the tube is your soulmate because he has the same shoelaces as you. It's not 'meant to be', you have shit to do, get on with your day.
Sitcoms also severely overestimate the free time 20-somethings have. I am a student. I have eight contact hours a week. I work part time as a waitress. And I still struggle to fit social events in. How the hell is Miranda making it to nightly cocktail parties to listen to Carrie moan about her fruitful dating life when she's supposedly a top tier lawyer working 70 hours a week?! Marshall is also supposed to be a lawyer and finds plenty of time to listen to Ted's whining, and don't even get me started on those sofa lounging Friends or Rachel's extremely lax manager who is fine with her taking a seat and sipping on a coffee herself whenever she fancies it. Another life inconvenience that writers like to use for comedic value and lose whenever they need to is kids. I don't have kids and I still know that the portrayal of children in these shows is absolute bullshit. Ben DISAPPEARS halfway through Friends because he's not plot essential any more now that Emma's been born. There is one measly episode of HIMYM that is focused on how tired Marshall and Lily are after having Marvin, then it's straight back to the booth to console and cheer on mopey Ted without even a baby sick stain in sight.
I like that these shows make jokes out of awkward situations and weird relationship dynamics, but there comes a point when I just feel so bad for the characters. Ted and Robin spend nearly a decade being in a state of moderate satisfaction, just because they can't break the friendship for a few months to let them both get over each other and actually be happy. All the jokes about hanging around with your exes are funny from my sofa but lately I just can't watch without wanting to shake the both of them and pull them out of their isolated bubble of moderate unhappiness! I also can't think of a single time in one of these shows that a main character has liked someone and they've not been liked back. It happens, they get rejected, and then a few episodes or seasons later it turns out they DO like them back they just didn't know it/admit it/realise it. Sometimes people don't like you, get over it, don't wait around for 10 years, marry someone else and then run back to them the moment your wife dies. There are so many different niches and possibilities and great people that would never fit into your life if it was made into 22 minute show concerning 5/6 main characters. And don't even get me started on the weighting of friend subplots to romance subplots. The show is CALLED Friends and yet the focus is so much more weighted to the romantic relationships. I am of the view that real friends and romantic partners and whatever other relationships you have should be ones that positively affect your life. They should be the people rooting for your success, supporting your choices, celebrating your achievements. Ross and Rachel are not goals, Ross could have offered to move to Paris for Rachel's job, or Rachel could have realised that there would be another guy in Paris who might be more supportive of her dreams and happiness. There are so many more things to do in life than stay in a shitty situation because it's too hard to leave.
If you tried to make a sitcom about my actual life let me tell you what would happen. The jokes would not be well formed and witty, they would be weird and stupid and no one other than me and my friends would understand or laugh at them. The part where one of the characters is supposed to have an outburst and profess their feelings would be replaced by an awkward exchange and a hurried exit. The audience would be left frustrated at the inability of characters to have those defining moments of professing truth, and at the high proportion of events that don't end up having a plot purpose or a point. There would be less big speeches, and if there were any they would be said by the wrong person, at the wrong time or they would consist of things that characters didn't want to hear. People aren't going to be who you want them to be, narratives won't be tied up neatly, and people's flaws won't be easily labelled and fixed in 22 minutes. The world and its inhabitants are more nuanced, complex and messy than could ever be conveyed in this cliched, tired, terrible, wonderful format. It's a comforting format, but if life was this comforting you would get too hot and bothered and you'd throw the blanket off and pour the sickly hot chocolate down the drain and burst out into the street with bare feet and run until you found sharpness and rawness and beauty in pain. If you really want it, you can find the neat and tidy ending where you coast along in relative comfort with well timed laughs and heartbreak that only ever lasts an episode. You can choose to never make the difficult decision to let go and you can settle for the on-off love interest who never really wanted you to do things for you. Or you can shake off the tired old tropes of sitcom-hood, accept that a great life probably shouldn't be sitcom-able, and get ready for the difficulty of the unscriptable ups and darkest downs that life has to offer.
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