Looking After Yourself: Resources for Bad Days

     I have had the idea for this post in my head for a while now, and thought that World Mental Health Day would be a fitting day to share it. I struggled to title it because when I say these are resources for bad days, I don't want to trivialise mental health struggles as 'bad days' at all, because that phrase can never accurately sum up the range of emotions and symptoms or the depth of feeling that a mental health condition can have, but it seemed the best way to summarise everything that's included in this post. Basically none of the tips listed below will get you very far if you are suffering from a mental health condition or a difficult time in your life and haven't yet told anyone or sought professional help. This is the first step if you are struggling, seek help from a doctor or counsellor or even a friend at first and figure out where to go and how to cope/heal from there. The ideas written below are most useful for short blips or episodes, difficult days, self care days, generally keeping yourself mentally well and even just as good habits to adopt for a healthy mind. Also, this is not intended to be a how-to guide or a definitive list, obviously I don't have knowledge of every symptom or mental health condition, these are just some things either myself or my friends and family have found helpful in a range of situations. Finally, I really really didn't want to make this about me and my mental health experience but it was really difficult to accurately describe the uses and effects of all of these 'resources' without referring to my own experience of them. Basically, I just realised I had accumulated a lot of tricks for coping in or improving certain situations and thought it might be helpful (maybe even just to one person) to share them, so hopefully it will.



Toothache

This is just a really good way to start your day positively, no matter what you have scheduled. When you open your eyes, push aside whatever immediate thoughts come across your mind and just ask yourself if you have toothache. The realisation that you don't have toothache should come with a kind of relief that you are not feeling that pain, and whatever you've got coming up in the day doesn't seem as bad. It doesn't have to be toothache it can be any chronic pain that is vividly imaginable and brings that feeling of relief and gratitude that you are not currently suffering from it. 



Tea

This sounds like the stupidest thing but honestly tea is a brilliantly easy thing to adopt into your daily routine. First of all, the actual act of making yourself or someone else a cup of tea is one of pure self care. You don't need hot flavoured water to survive so if you are struggling and you can make yourself a cup of tea you are taking steps to care for yourself and that deserves a pat on the back. Secondly, there are so many different types of tea that can help with difficult symptoms of mental health conditions. Ginger tea is great for symptoms of nausea that can come with anxiety, I've heard that chamomile can be great for calming your nerves, and there are others that can help you sleep.



New Advice

Trusted advice can become twisted in a skewed mind. I honestly believe in the mantra "Everything will be okay in the end", but on my worst days my mind has scarily believed the opposite. It tells me that there are people who are so much worse off, and instead of seeing this as a reason to be grateful with what I have, it convinces me that this simply means that things can and will get as bad as it is for the most unfortunate in the world. It tells me to give up because I can't cope now so how will I cope when things inevitably get worse? So I actually wouldn't recommend turning to trusted advice, quotes or mantras in these times, because panic starts to set in when your mind produces new thoughts to these pieces of advice you know have always comforted you in the past and this only makes things worse. I would instead recommend reading or listening to advice that you haven't heard before. Obviously make sure it suits your purpose and is of a generally positive message before you do so, but it can help to hear fresher words if you get stuck in a negative place. You can find all sorts on YouTube and in self help and mental health books. A new perspective can be the catalyst to either making the decision to ask for help or to getting back to the methods and management that you know works for you.



ASMR

If you haven't heard about ASMR yet then you're probably going to be a bit weirded out if you ever watch some. It's basically a whole section of YouTube that produces videos with whispering, crinkling of paper, drawing and all sorts of different sounds that give people a kind of tingling in the back of their neck/head. It's actually an area of psychology that is getting more research into it now, largely due to the massive amount of people that swear by the YouTube videos. I actually don't get the tingling sensation I just find the sounds incredibly relaxing, and for at least a year it was the only way I could switch my brain off to get to sleep. I don't use it as much now but if I'm feeling overwhelmed or can't sleep, I'll go back to it as a fail safe way to switch off.


Listening to Someone Else Say Exactly How You Feel

If you aren't sure exactly how to express how you are feeling, or aren't ready to talk to someone yet, it can be very comforting to hear someone else speak about the things you are feeling. There are lots of videos on YouTube of people talking about these topics and you might find it easier to watch or listen to something rather than read it. It's incredibly comforting to see and hear from people who are experiencing what you are, especially when you have the distance of the screen in front of you which takes away any anxiety about talking to a real person about the feelings you're having. These are two of my favourite videos on depression by Will Darbyshire.

  

Counting

Again this sounds really futile but it has helped me a lot and I mentioned it to a friend recently and she said it immediately helped her with stress so I'm gonna talk about it. Basically if you are feeling stressed or anxious about something that you know that rationally you shouldn't be panicking about but can't shake the anxiety, start counting. One example would be if you are getting unusually anxious and panicky about an exam or deadline that is very far in the future, count the hours you have until then. Literally count them one by one and once you get to about 100 it should start to feel a bit further away and the anxiety will hopefully feel less urgent and immediate. Another example is if you're getting unusually anxious about a task you've done lots of times before, like making a phone call, start counting all the phone calls you've ever made. You can do this with anything, just make sure to always count in the smallest unit as this is the part that makes it feel far away or less significant.



Yoga

Okay I feel like we've all been told this one before and rolled our eyes but I am basically just going to recommend that you try Yoga with Adrienne just once. She has the most zen manner without being too spacey, and she makes jokes at all the right times. She also has really great specific yoga videos, like Yoga for a Broken Heart and Yoga to Calm Your Nerves.



Reminders for Eating Issues

If you haven't yet then please seek help from a doctor or counselling service to decide on the best treatment available to you, but if you're just trying to stay in a good place with your eating habits then these articles are a good reminder.
How to eat in a nutshell - lesson one: permission
The Unhealthy Truth Behind 'Wellness' and 'Clean Eating'
A reminder of normal eating
Ruby Tandoh's Life in Food (a kind of recover story)



Displacing Your Negative Thoughts

I actually saw this on a Tumblr post I think - basically someone had been told by a therapist to imagine that each negative thought they had was being said by someone they found it really easy to tell to piss off. The person in the post had actually decided that for them this was Donald Trump and so any time she had a thought like "You're not good enough" she imagined Donald Trump saying this to her and immediately told him where to go. It's probably not a great long term solution but it's a good way to practice banishing negative thoughts or to get into the habit of ignoring them.



Alan Watts

I've actually only started listening to these recently, but I cannot recommend them enough. His philosophy's are so simple without being patronising or sickeningly sweet, and the videos I've linked below are beautifully put together and very calming. The best one for feeling overwhelmed is The Beauty of Nothingness, it never fails to remind me that I'm both important and absolutely not in the best way. If you're feeling angry at the world or that you are here then try listening to Alan Watts on Being Alive. The best one for feeling frustrated or unhappy with your life is Give It All Away and It Will Come Back. Watts finds a way of expressing the idea everything is falling apart and there isn't anything you can do about it that is oddly comforting. There is one line in particular which always shocks me - "There are two reasons you might not know what you want, and the first one is: you have it". I think I've already been told this so many times but it always really hits me listening to this. The basic level of need is food, water, shelter. Tick these off one by one. The second level is things like companionship, money, warmth. Tick these off too. Then start thinking about what isn't on this list that you are happy to have. For me this starts with friends, family, an education, a job and if you list them one by one, even down to individual people and single books and the jumper you're wearing it goes on and on and builds up and suddenly you can't ignore the pile of blessings before you.

  

The List

With many mental illnesses, there are days when facing the world is simply not a possibility, getting out of bed a sickening thought. These are not the grumpy and indulgent lie ins of teen hood, where you bury yourself deeper into the mattress and wrap yourself in the duvet like a burrito. This is a wake up where you come into an inescapably dark consciousness. You're uncomfortable but you can't contemplate moving your body, you can't open your eyes but you can't sleep satisfyingly either, you can't bear to think about what day it is and where you need to be. The first thing to do here is to tell yourself that you don't have to do anything at all today, mentally cancel everything and let yourself understand that there is nothing to be done - except sit up at some point. Eventually you might find it in yourself to sit up, and from there you might be able to contemplate doing something else small. The basic concept of this works really well in a list, which I first heard about from Rosianna. She once mentioned in a video that she had a list written next to her bed that consisted of easy things to do on days like the one described above. You basically only have to do the first thing on the list, and if you manage that then you can do the next and so on. If you can get to the end you will probably find yourself in a more manageable frame of mind, and from here you will hopefully be more able to assess what you need to do to cope/rebuild today. I haven't had to use mine in a while but here it is.

This Tweet Thread

This amazing woman wrote a thread about the effects her brother's suicide had on her family. If you are in a dark place I recommend reading it here.

"Depression is the biggest, most lying ass sack of shit for making you think that life would be easier for your loved ones without you in it."

     All of the above are either coping mechanisms for minor blips or useful things to read/watch/remember in day to day life, but if you are struggling and haven't yet sought professional help there are so many people and places waiting for you to do just that. Counselling services are often a brilliant first step, your university or school or local area should have one, and you really should use them. A lot of the struggle with seeking help with mental health issues is feeling that other people have it worse and that your problems aren't worthy of professional help. This is wrong. Your worries, feelings, and problems are all valid. No problem is too small to ask for help. A counselling service or helpline is likely to be the first step in the right direction for further help and support with whatever you're struggling with.

If no one has told you lately then please know that you're doing a great job however you're feeling and coping right now. Look after yourselves and each other x