November

November sucks. I used to be very much a proponent of the eleventh month (especially it being my birthday) but I'm not anymore. Nearly everyone I know has been through a hard time this month. My birthday, as always, brings with it 50% fun and 50% existential crisis. I've had a pretty good month otherwise, with a new job and a new house, and yet, it was still incredibly exhausting. There was a time in sixth form when there was so many new relationships in November it was dubbed Relayo-vember. That kind of fresh (and adorably quirky) optimism seems impossible to me now, with Brexit and the dark nights and the fact that Scorpio season has taken me to hell and back in four short weeks.

I wanted to write this blog post about an article I found this morning, about a large scale study done into various female contraceptives and their effect on mental health. It comes as no surprise to many women that they confirmed that nearly every contraceptive in the test increased the risk of depression MASSIVELY. I already knew this was the case, from anecdotal experiences shared by myself and my friends. But it stings so much to have it laid out in a study which should have been done years ago. In the article they mention that the link was flagged in the 1970's but never investigated. Women have most likely lost years, and some their lives, because of this. I was on a contraceptive pill for 5 years, and came off it after the only serious depressive episode I have ever had. I made a lot of changes in my life around that time and one of them was to stop taking that drug, which I decided to do because I realised that I didn't actually know my adult self without it. I have been through some tough shit since then, but I have never ever been as depressed and dissociative than I was when I was on that pill. I wish I could articulate better my feelings about this issue, but I can't, I'm just a bit mad and sad about it all. It's one more example of women not being listened to, not being taken seriously, being forced into harm.

Obviously, as any normal person is, I am angry daily about the various injustices and inequalities in the world. But there's a weird little additional element of frustration that comes when it gets personal. I figured out earlier today that it's very unlikely that I'll be able to do everything I want to do before I'm 30. And that's not a failure on my part, it's just the way the cards are stacked. It's not the biggest injustice in the world, but it still feels pretty shitty to realise that someone else probably will be able to, simply because of money and privilege and this stupid world. So I thought I'd just do a list of some good things today, because I have a feeling November has been hard on us all.

• If you're able to, you should take a walk around Liberty in London, which is just as much of a treat as actually buying an item from there. No really, I promise, the whole store is so beautiful it gives you the feeling of being given something without having to actually buy anything.
• Meghan Markle and Prince Harry consistently prove that love is real and also that love can take a while to find you and I won't hear any objections to this because they are BASICALLY ALL THAT IS LEFT.
• Elon Musk thinks he can move to Mars in 7 years so at least we will be shot of him.
• Less-technologically able adults are absolutely ecstatic when you show them that you can video chat with more than one person at once. Great way to feel good with low-effort is to show them any feature on their phone that they didn't know about.
• British Vogue recently released a video where 42 members of the trans and non-binary communities shared their stories and refused to be erased from narratives. 
• New generations are more progressive and gutsy than ever, and if you don't believe me then watch this clip of Eva from the Secret Life of 5 Years Olds.
• Jamie and Camilla from Love Island are still together. And happy. And doing nice things for the world.
• There has been a 4-day protest at Parliament Square about the state of the environment and the lack of action from our government on it. I believe this has had relatively little coverage in the relation to the extent, creativity and length of the protest. It fills me with hope that people have so much fire in them!
• That grandma who went viral when she accidentally texted a randomer the family thanksgiving plans and then invited him along anyway? She just had thanksgiving dinner with him for the third year running.
• 2018 is 90% over. Whether it's been great or not-so-great, we have 10% left to make the most of it.

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