An Extract from my iPhone Notes

Among other things, in my iPhone notes pages there's a recipe for a vodka pasta sauce, a link for a job application, a list of restaurants to visit, and a note from a dream that says 'picked up a stick to call the police for the wolves'. And there's this, presented unedited, and with not much sense in it.

At the back of the library there's a book no one has ever read. Each night the pages huddle closer together and whisper to each other that tomorrow might be the day. Some unsuspecting reader might flick the book open and run their eyes over the words, not knowing they were giving the pages the day they'd waited for.

At the back of a cupboard in a quiet coffee shop, there's a mug that no one has ever sipped from. Even on the busiest days, when kids guzzle babycinos and people like me type two sentences an hour, the other mugs are always washed in time and the waitresses searching hands never grab that particular handle. There's hope that one day a distracted customer might take a sip from a mug finally getting his first kiss. 

The world isn't against them, and the world isn't against you either. The person who eventually skim reads the book won't realise the weight of their actions, and all the people who ran their thumbs over its spine without picking it up aren't to blame. It's hard to get out of the habit of thinking of yourself as the protagonist in life. It's easy to expect that things will work out for you, because it's you. But it's important to remember that really, there's no ending or 'meant to be' or prizes for being nice. You can't hold onto regrets and 'if only's and 'why didn't I just do it like this'. 

I look at us all running around and being human and despite our worst qualities, we're such a lovable mess. Something has changed for me recently, and I feel quite calm. I feel like I know. I know that pain will fade and I know that there will be better days. I know that one day it will finally make sense, and the next it won't again, and that'll be okay. I've stopped taking myself so seriously. I've started being honest, not in a harsh, the-truth-hurts way but unapologetically and unafraid. I've stopped giving myself such a hard time for feeling the way I do. 

From where I'm standing, it looks like we might all be in love with the wrong people and the wrong things. It might sting and ache, but I hope you know. I hope you know you have time to be in love with the right ones.

x