For Final Year Uni Students (or Anyone Overwhelmed)

Earlier this week I was in a 'town hall meeting' that asked students about the issues they had with the course workload and essay deadlines. I had a lot to say. My course has few deadlines, but because of this they're usually weightier. The entirety of my mark for a module often rests on a single essay. The deadlines also tend to be grouped together just after a holiday. This term I have 4 deadlines due on the first day back in January that make up about a third of my entire mark for this year. This works in the sense that you have less to do during term time, you have the holiday period to work on the essays, and they're all out of the way in one go. However, what I tried to explain to the course leaders was that having the holiday period to work on essays is only beneficial if you don't have a job over the holiday period. If my loan only just covers my rent and I have to work over the holidays to pay for the rest of life's costs, when am I supposed to do the essays that they give me for the Christmas break?

This type of dilemma has been cropping up a lot in my third and final year at university. I'm realising that a lot of what they're asking you to do is pretty impossible. They need you to do all of the required work, expect you to have done all the optional reading, and want you to have a job and extra curricular commitments so that you'll be a fab grad and make them look good. I don't know about anyone else but I'm struggling to do it all. I have so much to do daily that I find it hard to prioritise things because they ALL need to be done yesterday. A good grade and extra commitments will look great on my CV... if I don't let the actual work involved crush me before I get to writing it.

When I get stressed about all of this I remember that I wanted so badly to do all of these things, take hold of these opportunities and make the most of my time at uni, that I quit my steady waitressing job to do so. I took a massive pay drop doing this, and honestly, I didn't do it so I could spend more time on academia. I did it because I wanted to fill that time with stuff that would actually be more beneficial to my life after uni, and also, so that I could soak up every last bit of the uni experience in general. I quit so that I could be here when we all freaked out when some chicken nuggets blew the electrics. I quit so I could make risotto at midnight while someone walked around half naked trying frantically to get a lipstick mark out of their white jeans. I quit so that I could pop to the pub for one drink on a Sunday night and end up watching WWE until 5am. I didn't want to get to the end of my university life and feel that I'd missed out on any of the small, stupid, silly, insignificant moments that make up memories.

But right now, I feel like I'm even failing at that. I go to bed thinking I've failed at academic work AND I've failed at spending enough time with my pals. We're trying to do as much as possible in the time we have left, trying to balance work and life in a distorted version of the wider world with an end date that's quickly approaching. Every day feels like the countdown to real life, something which is ultimately our goal, but which we also would rather never have to jump into. We're maxing out academically and socially in a desperate attempt to try and drink in third year the same way we inhale jagerbombs on a Friday. To constantly feel like you're failing is overwhelming and exhausting, and it really got me down at the start of this week. 

Although it may seem like it right now, the point of this post wasn't just for me to moan about how hard third year is for poor old me. On Friday I sat down (late) for a seminar I hadn't done the reading for. Disappointed in myself and tired, I let the first few minutes wash over me as I mentally compiled a to-do list for the rest of the day. Looking out of the window, I was woken up by the colour clash of the orange bricks of the old building opposite me and the bright blue sky of a weird October day that was somehow crisp and warm. I took a deep breath and slowed my brain down. I took a minute to give myself credit for what I had done, rather than berating myself for what I hadn't. If I stopped worrying so much about making the most of uni, I probably would actually be able to enjoy making the most of uni. It's age old advice and can be applied to anything but honestly, taking a breath and appreciating where you are right now works wonders for when you're tunnel-visioned on the negatives. Looking back at what I've written today has made me realise how focused I am on doing 'enough' of everything. I'm so worried that I'll leave the crusts of my uni pizza and only realise I'm still hungry once it's too late. I know I'll look back at this worry and shake my head at myself for being so stressed about it. I know I'm doing 'enough' by the fact that I'm trying really hard to. We're our own harshest critics, and we don't deserve the scathing reviews we serve ourselves. If you're trying to make the most of something, you've already succeeded. 

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