How to Make Friends at Uni

Alternative title for this post which is more accurate but ultimately too long: How to Make Friends When You’re Desperate to Have Pals But Also Paralysed by the Pressure of Making Them

By the time I went to university I’d already moved out once, given up my dream job, worked full time as a waitress, and travelled to Australia solo. I knew how difficult new places were, and life so far had taught me to have low expectations to avoid disappointment. In fear of not making any friends, I kept reminding myself that I had come to university to get a degree, and although new friends would be a bonus, it just might not work out. I’m now two-thirds of my way through university and I can report that I DO seem to have some friends! So I’m gonna tell you my extremely unorthodox methods for making them.

First up: you have to make a move. On my first day in halls, I knew that if I didn’t start off on the right foot (knocking on doors and starting conversations), I would get too scared to try, and would spend the rest of the year desperately trying to pluck up the courage to leave my room. At the time it was the most excruciating thing, brazenly approaching people first, pasting on a big smile, spending conversations hearing my brain whizz through potential subjects to bring up next. But I’m so glad I did it, and I really do think I would have missed out on some friendships, had we both been too timid to make the first move or, more accurately, had I not borderline scared people by boldly introducing myself. So don’t let friendships lay dormant, say hello or compliment their t shirt. Not in a Mean Girls way, in a starting-a-conversation-without-the-primary school-esque ‘hi what’s your name?’ way.

My most unorthodox piece of advice is this: say something stupid first. Get it out of the way. Do your most brash ‘you’ joke. Pun your worst pun. Do a finger gun exit. If they vibe off it then YES this is your future pal. If they look kind of disgusted then you know that you guys are just not meant to be, and you haven’t wasted any time on pursuing an incompatible friendship! Not only does saying something stupid first tell you straight up if this is a potential pal, but it also relieves the pressure on the subsequent conversation. You’ve already been your most stupid, so if they’re still chatting to you then they’re okay with that. You don’t need to stress about when you’re going to ‘mess up’, because you already did and apparently they LOVED it. 

Okay, so after you’ve had your first conversation about how you both hated the way the lecturer pronounced the word ‘library’ with 3 syllables, you need to make sure you follow up. Up until this point in life, friendships have probably been mostly school-based, and no effort is required to solidify friendships, because you see each other every day. Once you get to uni, and then adulthood, you need to make more effort to make sure you can build on a chance conversation. It sounds so simple but it’s how so many friendships get lost forever, simply because neither of the potential pals made a point of confirming their next step. It’s as simple as ‘are you going to XXXX event tomorrow?’. There’s no pressure here because if they are going, you don’t have to arrange a one-on-one meeting that will test your nerves, you can just say you’ll see each other there. Another good way to solidify your new-found friendship is to just say ‘I’m getting a coffee on the way home, if you want to come?’. If you run out of things to say you can both get takeaway and never see each other again, if it goes great then you can sit in and have one-on-one pal time without the hours of anxiety that come before a scheduled meet-up. At university it’s even easier because you often have similar timetables to others around you. You can get a snack with someone who has the same hour break as you, which means you have a chance to get to know them, with the reassurance that a no-stress exit already is in place so your brain doesn’t implode! 

Above all, be open to the type of people you can be friends with. University made me friends with people that I probably wouldn’t have been matched with if friendships were done by one of those dating site algorithms. Don’t arrive with any preconceptions about who you get on with and who you don’t, because you’ll only narrow your pool of potential pals. Set out with grounded expectations, an open mind, and an undisguised eagerness to meet people and you’ll be fine. Remind yourself of how much you appreciate it when someone sends the first tentative greeting or outfit compliment your way, and be that person for someone else.

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